Beauty

So when I was in Melbourne last week I saw the most amazing, coolest thing ever. Me, Enyar, Mum and Uncle Brian (who's not actually my uncle but my dad's best friend) were sitting in the lounge area. There was this huge grand piano there.

Anyway, this little old lady came hobbling up the stairs and she looked about 200. We thought she was homeless because she was soaked from the rain and had this long greasy grey hair and had a little bag on wheels with her.

Well, we kept talking and this little old lady sat down at the grand piano and I wondered whether she was allowed to do that (because it looked like the piano might have been there for decoration, not for play) and just as we were about to get the hotel staff she began to play.

[How the universe began
What the future holds
Why do fools fall in love?
What happens to our souls?]

She was the most amazing piano player I've ever heard in my entire life. It was like listening to a professional. Here was this little old lady who looked like she might have, with all due respect, died any second, who looked like she was homeless, who was playing the piano like she'd been doing it every night of her life since she could even open her eyes.

I've never heard such beautiful music in my life. And then one of the elderly hotel cleaners started singing and I've never heard a nicer voice.

There are people all over the planet who look like they couldn't possibly carry themselves a step and then they start to create all this beautiful stuff - their art, paintings, they start to sing or dance or write and you wonder how do they do that?

[Clues to life's mysteries
Are what we hope to find
Always reaching for a reason
Searching for a sign]

Nobody stopped that little old lady even though she wasn't supposed to be on the piano because the music was so powerful it had everyone completely gripped within it. And I don't think anybody wanted to get free. Everyone wanted to listen. In a way I think the music was the woman's soul coming out of her body; she looked frail but on the inside she was strong.

You never know what people are gonna do until they lay down the final card. Even then you don't know if they're secretly hiding another whole deck beneath their coat or up their sleeves. You never know how far a person can be pushed until they fall over the edge.

I used to have a great friend and she was the best. We were polar opposites in more ways than one - she came from a Turkish family and had an older brother who smoked pot and her parents separated before she turned double-digits. My family is completely stable.

[She saw the bright lights
She caught the fever
Now we're coming back to earth
Oh hey, hello, welcome to the world!]

She took so much crap from so many different people. When I weighed 55 kilos she weight 100. She could handle anything. Her brother beat her up and her dad yelled and told her she was fat and her mother didn't care but she could take anything. She was a beautiful person.

And then she started liking this guy. And this guy didn't like her back. She went out drinking with him and she smoked and did all sorts of drugs. And when she told him she liked him, he told her she was disgusting and that he would never date a girl that looked like her. And she broke. Just like that.

I don't even talk to her anymore. She'd had enough of being the good girl that everyone underestimated, so she turned into the bad girl who everyone was afraid of. And people were afraid of her. And her cousins. I tried to stick by her but then people wondered why. I was guilty by association.

[You sit there on the couch
Sipping your scotch and ice
You turn the TV on
And tune me out again]

So she told me to leave. When I didn't she did everything she could to make me hate her so I'd go of my own accord and never look back. She told me my family was a joke and that she'd only used me to get to the boy she'd liked and all this other horrible stuff.

I was fourteen and I believed her. We still don't talk that often but when I see her I try to smile at her. She could take all that crap from so many people who were supposed to care for her and then the one person who didn't was the one to break her. I always wonder how such pathetic people manage to worm their way into our hearts.

[So what would you say to me
If you could talk to me
You ask anything, I wouldn't lie
But you're okay with this damaging awkwardness
So I'll just play it safe, keep it inside]

It doesn't matter what anybody else thinks so long as God looks down upon you and smiles. If you know you're a good person, and God knows you're a good person, why should you listen to what anybody else has to say?

Because they're our friends and family and we want them to believe in us. It took a long time for me to start believing in myself. For some people I don't think it ever happens. But you have to believe in yourself to be able to believe in Him. He never gives up on us, even when we claim He's not there or whatever.

A lot of people I know ask for proof that He exists. I just tell them to look around. How could anything so beautiful have evolved from single-celled organisms? It didn't. He was there. He made us and loves us and believes in us even when we fail in every way possible. His love was so great He sent His son to die on the cross for us.

[I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
Can I be the one to sacrifice?
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow?]

There are so many things in life we take for granted. There are so many things that every day we forget to thank Him for. We walk, and we breathe, and we can feel the sun on our face. We know of birds soaring hundreds of miles above our heads, and of creatures of the deep that swim below us, and creatures that live in the forests - forests we're cutting down. Destroying.

He must feel every death like a dagger to the heart and yet He still lives within us and breathes new life into us every day, and when all is said and done, He is the one who takes us with open arms and allows us to return home, because He loves us with all that He is.

[To love you, take my world apart
To need you, I am on my knees
To need you, broken on my knees]

Despite what we are, who we are, He is there for us every day, listens to our sorrows and triumphs, knows our pain and suffering and joy and euphoria, embraces us as all we are and all we ever will be and never lets us slip, not once. He does not let us slip. We let each other slip. We let ourselves slip.

But He's always there to pick us back up, set us back on the right path, showing us which way to go. He loves us because we are. Not because someday you might jump in front of a bullet to save a pregnant lady. Not because someday you yourself might carry the next president or messiah within you. But because we're there. Our existence is enough reason for Him to see fit to love us.

[All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me]

So why isn't that reason enough for ourselves to love each other? Every day we lie to our friends and family, people steal and cheat and lie and they never own up to it and they certainly never take the punishment. Every day some poor girl is raped or some boy murdered and thrown in a ditch and their attackers are only sentenced to a few months in jail and then a good behaviour bond.

What? Good behaviour bond? I thought the general idea of being a murderer means you aren't well behaved at all! But apparently courts don't know that. We're letting it happen. We're letting all this suffering spread. Kids in Africa would have more than enough food if we stopped eating our weight in McDonald's every year.

Kids in India might actually have enough space to move - if first-world countries weren't so selfish with their immigration processes. Racial purity is a load of bull. We're all people so what's it matter?

[To rid myself of all but love, to give and die
To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one that loves
More deeply than the oceans
More abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache]

If it doesn't matter to God why should it matter to us? God doesn't care who you are or where you come from. If you love Him and Jesus with a heart wide open it guarantees you sanctuary. He loves us so much he sent his son to die for us, to linger on the cross for three days.

That's what love really is.

-a solitary blue.

Spammers!

If there's anything in the blogging universe I hate it's SPAMMERS. Has anyone seen my cbox? Well, I'm probably gonna have to change it because I've seen that happen on tons of blogs. And to the people spamming me, do you honestly think I'm stupid enough to click on those links? You're pathetic.

Okay. Now that that's out of the way. I get my year 12 results back today :D I'll make sure to include them on my next post.

I had to come home sick from work on Friday and didn't go Saturday. I've had the flu :( that's why I haven't been posting. I know I'm not exactly famed for my timely or regular updates, but I was going to. I was too sick. I suppose I haven't been sick all year so that's probably it.

[Please take a long hard look through your textbook
'Cause I'm history
When I strap my helmet on I'll be long gone
'Cause I've been dying to leave]

And Melbourne was great! I spent every cent I'd saved though, which came to about 750 dollars. I don't know how much in American hahaha :) still, I got 19 new tops, 3 dresses, 9 pairs of shorts, 4 lip balms, a new purse and a hat. WEEW! And food. I think me and Enyar spent a sizable about Christmas shopping too. Got Mum a bead for her Pandora ^^

I also got my school stationary yesterday. If I take a picture of it your minds might explode from how much there is so I'm not posting that. I haven't even got my textbooks yet but my folders stacked up are about the size of my lower legs. My pencil case is pretty mad though.

[I'll keep my helmet on just in case my head caves in
Cause if my thoughts collapse or my mind framework snaps
It'll make a mess like you wouldn't believe
Tie my handlebars to the stars so I stay on track]

I still haven't done my homework though. And that sucks. Miss Laver is going to skin me alive if I don't do my homework for English :S

In other news. I'm trying to give up soap operas. They really do my head in. Just when you think someone's died in a freak skydiving accident they come back to haunt all the other characters who aren't doing anything except minding their own business. And heaven forbid that anybody in a soap opera do something like that.

[Time together isn't ever quite enough
When we're apart whatever are you thinking of?
What will it take to make or break this hint of love?
So tell me darling do you wish we'd fall in love?
All the time]

I don't have anything deep and meaningful/controversial/inspiring to post about today. I used it all up yesterday attempting to explain the meaning of life to the little boy I babysit. And my older brother who should really know because he's twenty one. -.-

If I don't get on before then - MERRY CHRISTMAS :D

-a solitary blue

Looky!

New template! Much easier to use hahaha. I was getting pretty tired of the old one. I messed around trying to get it right in the CSS encoding and then realised it was much easier just to pick a template and customise it. So yeah. Problem solved ^^

BTW, MY VISITOR MAP CANNOT BE RIGHT. It's showing 27 hits from all over the world! What's going on?!

Going to Melbourne tomorrow with Enyar and Mum XD it's gonna be heaps fun, we're going to the Victoria shopping center and that has like EVERYTHING in it. I'm gonna get everyone their Christmas presents too ^^

[Love, love is a verb
Love is a doing word
Feels like something
Unexplainable]

I don't really know what I want for Christmas, I guess. I'm just happy that it IS Christmas. It's by far the best holiday of the year (although despite the fact that I don't live in America and therefore don't celebrate the fourth of July, I watch Independence Day religiously every year on that date). We don't have Thanksgiving in Australia and we don't really have Halloween either.

I've put the Christmas tree up but it doesn't have decorations yet. I have to do that tomorrow before flying down to Melbourne. I hope it's not hot... it was 40 degrees celsius out there today. I almost died :S

Christmas is the one time of year when everyone comes together to celebrate. Sometimes I feel like there's so much hate and hurt in the world that I could probably drown in it, but on Christmas everyone seems to forget that. I know that the other day I took all of my old toys and clothes down to the Salvation army bin and I actually filled it (I had 17 bags of stuff).

[Take a breath
I pull myself together
Just another step
Until I reach the door
You'll never know the way
It tears me up inside to see you]

And there are so many people out there who suffer all the time because everyone is just so selfish. A third of the world's children won't get food on Christmas day, let alone toys or clothes or money like the rest of us. We take it for granted. There are so many kids living in our own towns who are disadvantaged or, dare I even go here, their parents won't even attempt to make Christmas happy because their parents are the kind to beat them up.

There are a lot of elderly people who spend Christmas alone in aged care facilities because their families are too busy or too lazy to go and see them. There are plenty of spare seats around tables at Christmas, so why aren't they being filled with these poor people?

[It is too late to remind you how we were?
And not our last days of silence, screaming, blur?
Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out that door]

I know plenty of families who spend their Christmases apart because they're fighting over stupid petty things. I know plenty of adults and parents who fight and fight and fight and plenty of little kids who just watch and don't learn the power of love but how to hate instead.

I've seen my own cousin throw a tantrum because he got a blue GameBoy, not a red one. People have forgotten what Christmas is about. It's not about the presents (although that's nice) and it's not about a nice dinner either. It's about being together and remembering the day our Saviour was born into the world, only to die for our uncountable sins. It's about not forgetting that He CHOSE to do that.

[Belief
Makes things real
Makes thing feel, feel alright]

And yet I'm sure that there are probably kids out there who, on Christmas day, rather than thanking their parents and grandparents for all they've sacrificed, will complain that they didn't get the gifts they wanted. I'm sure there will be that one kid at school, the one who doesn't fit in, who gets bullied because he or she didn't get the latest stupid electronic car or Bratz doll.

So on Christmas Day, maybe talk to someone you wouldn't normally. Maybe be nice to someone who nobody really likes or dislikes. Maybe just stop and talk to the old widow on the way back from the supermarket. Maybe offer to help your mother cook the roast this year, rather than scavenging stocking fillers. Maybe put more effort than usual into buying someone's present. Do something unexpected. Show you care.

[Who I am
From the start
Take me home to my heart
Let me go
I will run
I will not be silenced]

One of my friends never smiles. She says there's nothing to smile about. Well, maybe there's not anything to smile about. But when you're alive, and breathing, and loved, there's nothing to frown about either.

-a solitary blue.

Tagged!

Courtney at "all things left unsaid" tagged me for this post. 7 likes, 8 hates, 1 love in that order. OFF WE GO!

I like the feeling of getting your haircut, like it's the start of something new. :)
I like staying up at night till the whole world's asleep and I can do what I want, then sleep forever the next day. :)
I like seeing all my regular customers when I go into work on Saturday mornings.
I like shopping. A lot. :D
I like having friends stay over and having deep and meaningfuls at 3 in the morning and then watching our parents drag themselves to work the next day.
I like walking my dog.
I like feeling as if I've done something important with my day to do with someone else.

I hate narrow-minded people.
I hate people who think they can tell me who I am and get away with it.
I hate people who come into Foodworks and try to shoplift. It wastes my time and tries my patience.
I hate feeling inadequate.
I hate people who make other people feel inadequate.
I hate people talking about how important hair/clothes/skinniness is. When all's said and done nobody's going to remember you because you wore a certain brand name to school. They're not gonna remember you because you were the girl that only weighed 110 pounds and were the person everyone wanted to be. They'll remember you for what you did - or didn't - do with your life.
I hate shallowness.
I hate hypocrites.

I LOVE LIFE. :D

I don't have any followers and the ones I do have have already done this! D: But I do tag Elizabeth, if she's reading this!

I'm on holidays too. TILL FEBRUARY NEXT YEAR. OHHH YEEAAHH. BRING IT ON! I'm going to reinvent myself this summer. :)

-a solitary blue.

For Christmas

So there's this little girl.



Her name is Mikayla Francis.

She was diagnosed with a rare liver cancer back in August. There was a ten centimeter tumor growing on her liver. Treatment started immediately.

Treatment didn't work.

The tumors grew in her lungs as well, despite rigorous chemotherapy and radiation. Mikayla's six. She celebrated both her seventh birthday and Christmas early, two days ago, when doctors advised her parents to move both dates forward.

They don't think she'll be here by Christmas.

Her one fear isn't of dying - her one fear is that people are going to forget her. She begs her parents not to, ask if they'll tell future children about her. She isn't afraid to die, she says, because she reckons "Heaven will be awesome". Her biggest fear is that her friends, family and loved ones will be here on earth.

And she won't.

So to anyone reading this - don't forget Mikayla Francis.

"Life is a journey. Not so much to a destination, but a transformation. You know, looking back, doesn't it sometimes feel like our richest times come right in the midst of our hardest? God made us to live in community, to laugh and cry, to hurt and celebrate with each other no matter what we're going through, and transformation is tough, and we don't always end up where we think we will - but we have to remember, that even when we struggle to believe in Him, He always believes in us. He fills our life with passion and purpose if we just let Him. And you know the best part of the journey is that sometimes the God of the universe sometimes allows us to play a part in changing the world. Isn't that a trip?"

-Chris, "To Save A Life"

So instead of wallowing in my own misery, I'm going to celebrate Mikayla's birthday. I'm going to put her in my little book of inspiration. And I won't forget her. I won't ignore the pain. Instead, I'll pray that God will welcome her with open arms into Heaven and she will be loved.

-a solitary blue.

SUMMER :D

So it's finally summer here. It's got to about 40 degrees Celsius and the pool is AH-MAZE-ING. I've put all my winter clothes away and I've started attempting to squeeze my summer clothes into my teeny weeny cupboard. Needless to say it's slow going!

I also had exams last week. First exam was English. Three hours. Three one-thousand-word essays. It was good, I finished half an hour and then sat there seeing how many times I could go through "ninety nine bottles of beer on the wall" in my head. I lost track when the kid next to me farted and I nearly died.

The next was maths. Finished an hour early because I couldn't do any of it. Got twenty percent. Not too concerned - saw that one coming.

Next was Media - two essays in an hour and a half. I got ninety five percent on that! HELLS YEAH. We had to study the movie Birdy, directed by Alan Parker and starring Nicolas Cage and Matthew Modeine. I'm a huge Cage fan. :D

After that was Literature. We had to write an essay on the themes presented in Frankenstein, by Mary Shelley. I wrote six pages in one hour. I was proud.

And then HD. HD was just HD. A lot of boring irrelevant questions. I think one was "why is smoking bad for you?" and I had a bit of a ":D LOL! Oh, that's a serious question..." reaction.

So I have work later on today and then tomorrow morning as well. I'm thinking about quitting before year twelve because otherwise it's gonna be way too stressful to keep up ten hours a week at work and do all the coursework and apply for universities and focus on my driver's license!

-a solitary blue.

Tagged!

I got a tag! :D I wasn't sure if I was supposed to do both sets of 8 questions on the same tag or just one, but I only have time for one and the next eight, so I picked the most interesting ones!

1. If you could meet anyone currently living, who would you pick? Why?

I would pick the girls in Superchick, because their lyrics are AMAZING.

2. What is your favorite band? Why?

My favourite band right now is Big Time Rush. I'm obsessed with their show because they're four hot guys! Also, their music is so happy and upbeat and I just love being happy and upbeat. It matches summer!

3. What is your least favorite book? Why?

Never had a question like this before! I would have to say Twilight. Sorry to all the people who love twilight, but the characters are bland and lifeless.

4. If you saw someone who was being rude and ugly and hateful, then they dropped their wallet as they walked off, what would you do?

I would give it back to them. Two wrongs don't make a right, and not giving it back would be sinking to their level.

5. What do you get in trouble for most?

I don't really get in trouble, but if it was for anything it would be speaking my mind. I really edit myself here on blogger because I know a lot of nasty words.

6. Pets, what kind(s) if any, name(s), age(s), the whole deal:

Naiyook is my Alaskan Malamute dog, and she's a year old :) she's a precious child! I have two cats, Amy and Squidge. Amy is six and she's a tabby and Squidge is four and he's a ranga. Or ginger. Haha.

7. If, in the future, you were happily married and had a son and daughter, what would their names be? Any particular reason?

Zackary and Paige. I just loooove how traditional Zackary is, and Paige just sounds nice! Also, you can't really make any nasty nicknames from either.

8. If there was one question you'd love to be asked, ask yourself it here, then answer it:

What makes a person good? What makes a person good is when they'll stop to help even the meanest old lady, when they'll babysit when they don't want to, when they'll volunteer, when they'll help a friend on an assignment or lend people money knowing they won't get it back, because to me that shows that they know there are bigger things in life to worry about.

I had fun doing this but I have to go to work and don't have time to write a list myself! I'll post it in my next blog!

-a solitary blue