It was a good one

I don't really know if I'm capable of hating Monique for all that she is.

It's against human nature to be alone. In general, we try to find companions so we feel like if something were to happen to us, we wouldn't be alone and that someone would miss us if we were gone.

[Heaven forbid
You end up alone
And don't know why]

I like being alone. I have a group of twelve people I hang out with in general and tons and tons of people I hang out with otherwise, and out of all of them only five would classify as my best friend, and I can only trust Riz with anything. But I do like being by myself. I like getting on buses and just riding them around town. It gives me time to think.

So I can't blame Monique for wanting to get back in with our group, and I can't blame her for starting with me, seeing as I was the one who let her hang with us first and seeing as (and I'm not just tooting my own horn here) I have a reputation around the year level for being unfailingly fair. But she's done her dash with me.

Have you ever looked at someone who you used to be close to and thought "I'll never trust you again" and know it's not one of those silly, anger-and-hurt induced moments, but the truth? And they look at you and they don't realise and they think everything is OK but you're thinking "I've cut you out of my life, just try me"?

[You whispered that you were getting tired
Got a look in your eye that looks a lot like goodbye
Hold on to your secrets tonight
Don't want to know I'm OK with this silence
It's truth that I don't want to hear]

Because that's what I did months ago with Monique. I'm a forgiving person. I don't blame her for making all the wrong choices. Everyone makes mistakes and you can't resent people for it, it's human nature. There was a time when I thought I needed her.

Now I realise I don't.

It's a shock to realise that you never really needed someone, but they had you so utterly convinced you did you lied to yourself. And in a way it makes you so mad, so utterly furious.

Monique's badmouthed Riz and Erin. And when it comes down to it, I'll choose them over everyone, every time. That might change, it might even change tomorrow, but for now, it's the truth.

[When all you know seems so far away
And everything is different
Rest your head
I'm permanent]

But we had some good ones, didn't we?

We spent all that time having arguments about whether twilight sucked or not (it sucks btw, and I usually won those arguments) and we could always depend on one another, just not for the important stuff.

[And now she lives inside
Someone she does not recognise
When she catches her reflection on accident...]

But it can't be the same, because I know what you've said about my friends and when you're saying it about them, you may as well be saying it about me as well. The price of a human's pride is steep, and she won't admit that she's more in the wrong than any of us. We all did bad stuff, and all of us are a little in the wrong.

[You may tire of me
As our December sun is setting
'Cause I'm not who I used to be...]

And neither are you.

the sensational crusader. (:

Song list:
The Fray - Heaven Forbid
David Cook - Lie
David Cook - Permanent
Death Cab For Cutie - Brothers on a Hotel Bed