Looong rant

[Take a breath
Just take a seat
You're falling apart
And tearing at the seams]

So apparently, while me and Riz were away today (no we weren't wagging lol, Riz busted a ligament in her knee and I was sick) Erin walked up to Monique and said "we'd prefer it if you didn't hang out with us anymore" and left her standing there.

Now, Erin's my best friend, and I don't particularly like Monique anymore, but was the bitchiness really necessary?

[Belief
Makes things real
Makes things feel
Feel alright]

Maybe there'll come a time where I can look her in the eye and say "I forgive you" and mean it. Maybe there'll come a time where I can laugh with her again and have those silly arguments about Twilight. But maybe that time will never come, and maybe I'll grow tired of fighting for things that can't be saved.

God help me, I hope that never happens.

The moment a human stops fighting a fruitless battle is when they become little more than an animal. If you think about it, fighting to stay alive is just ridiculous, from a pessimist's point of view; we're going to die anyway. So, in their eyes, why not choose your own manner of dying and when?

Because it's against most humans' nature to hurt another. And suicide does that. Suicide doesn't make the pain go away. It lets it grow and fester and transfer into other people.

[We're separate
Two ghosts in one mirror
Later on
If it turns to chaos
Hurricane
Coming all around us]

But I won't be one of those people. I'm not going to let Monique drag me down with her like she did at the start of the year. I'm not going to sit here and think "but what did I do?" I'm going to think "what didn't I do and what could I have done differently?"

I am so tired of her attempting to dump on us, and then get back in with us. We aren't toys, and if she asks me anything about it tomorrow that's exactly what I'll say. I'll just tell her that she's screwed us over too many times for us to be the Mother Theresas of the world anymore. I mean, I'm forgiving, but there's only so much one person can take.

But this brings me to something else - if Erin can act so callously towards Monique, is she really any better? Speaking from experience, playing mind games with someone who's supposed to be your friend isn't fun. Even if you end up "winning". It leaves you exhausted and wondering if you're actually any good to anybody.

[Frame by frame
Red speed ahead
A city dissolving
The threat of your love in the headlights]

There were men at Pine's Neck, men who were so vastly outnumbered they knew they had a matter of minutes to live, in world war one who kept fighting just to give their comrades some time to escape. There was a little dog named Pepper, rescued off a battlefield by an Australian soldier, who tunnelled thirty metres to a leaking gas line, allowing him access, and allowing him to save an entire platoon of men.

There was Samson and his donkey, who ferried countless injured men across the battlefield just because they didn't know what else to do, who was shot down doing this very thing, just because politicians were too weak and pathetic to fight their own fights.

There was John F Kennedy, who said that America would "pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of liberty." - Who died because he was a good president, too good a president to keep around.

There was the antihero, Claus Von Stauffenburg, who fought till the very end trying to bring Hitler to his knees, and very almost succeeded, despite all his allies pulling out on him at the last minute, who's last words were "Long live sacred Germany!" despite the horrific scars the country had from war and Hitler's regime of terror.

"Boy oh boy. The price of freedom is steep." - Zack Fair

the sensational crusader (: