Pix later.

The whole city was illuminated and every pinprick of beautiful orange light represented a hundred different people. The hustle and bustle, the parks, the beautiful archaic old buildings. I loved it, loved every bit of it. The city makes me feel so free, like I can fly, like I can do anything I want to. It makes me feel like there's some hope after all.

The year has come full circle. I'm glad it has. I guess everybody's lives are made up of circles that all cross and change over and overlap and are made of the same line like a figure eight and some aren't even fully formed because some things don't have an answer.

I have a few circles that are more prominent than others; the circle that took away my hope and then gave it back, the circle that claimed the life of someone close to me and then made me realise he's not gone until we forget, the circle that made me realise who I am doesn't matter as much as why I am and how I got there.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love to love. I live to love. I like to look up at the stars and believe that every piece of sky is a different soul watching over us. I like to believe that maybe the clouds are there for a reason, to make us miss the heat we normally complain about. I wonder and I'd like to believe that if rain is sent deliberately it's not to make us cold and shiver, it's to make us realise that warmth comes from more than just electricity and that it's possible to huddle up like a group of penguins and laugh and have blue tongues and conserve warmth that way.

I'm really glad I'm alive, most of the time. And I'm glad that this is who I am. I'm glad that I see things that sometimes others don't. I'm glad I see what goes on below. I'm glad I stop to take a picture.

[I wanna love with the sun on my face
Ride a train to nowhere anyplace]

I'm glad that life only ever seems to be taking off now that I know who I am. I love that people see me, and sometimes when they do they seem astounded by what they find. I'm glad he saw that before I did even.

I might elaborate on him later. :)

[I've got a hunger
Twisting my stomach into knots
My tongue is tied off
If you've got an impulse let it out]

I don't believe in being straight, bi, or gay. I believe in love. Simple as that. Gender doesn't matter to me. I know it does to some people. I'd like to think that if we're all God's children that he intended that we be this way. But I never read a proper bible. Just the children's version.

They say that you don't have memories of being a baby because when you're a baby you don't have the knowledge or words to put to memories and emotions. Maybe so. Maybe babies don't have time to remember because they're too busy having fun learning.

These words write themselves. Life is good right now. So good I haven't been blogging. Sometimes I worry about what's gonna come in the future, but right here, right now, seems like a good place to start easing the worries about it. Right now, I don't have to worry.

Right now it seems like maybe I need to sit back and relax and take it easy. There's so much time to figure out what I'll do with the rest of my life. There's so much time to laugh.

I don't want to live with regrets.

So I've started a physical journal. It's not about me. It's about everything. It's called life as it is. It's important to remember. Without the past we can't improve the future. And improving the future is something that needs to happen.

Riz always said she was afraid of remembering.

I'm afraid I'll forget.

the milk bottle. (: