A fresh start.

That's what this is meant to be - a fresh start away from all the drama. I deliberately won't give this address to any of my friends. It needs to be somewhere I can vent - somewhere I can be me. I can't do that around my friends.

Isn't that sad? I can't be myself around my friends.

When people read what I write, it’s almost a risk.

Because some people are shallow. They sit there and they think “wow, how emo” when that’s not what I’m trying to get across. They don’t understand. But some people… they see me. And if I put my work out for people to see, they see me. They see what I think. They see what I feel.

I don’t know people to know everything I think or feel. What I think or feel is a part of me, and the only one who knows me fully is Riz. She understands (freakishly well) and I don’t care what anyone else thinks really, so long as I have her and Erin.

That brings me to something else – death.

So, everyone I’ve talked to about this says there was at least one occasion when they cried to their mother and told their parents they never wanted to die. If you think about people – the memories, feelings, emotions, the very essence – can that really be wiped out by a biological clock? The soul isn’t a physical part of the body, and neither is the mind. The body is the vessel that carries these throughout life.

Maybe it’s just preparing us for something more later?

On another note – yeah thanks, to my wonderful friends, who oh so thoughtfully mentioned to me that PLUCKING YOUR EYEBROWS HURT! Not really, they never mentioned it -.-

I messaged Nessy about it and she's like "oh yeah, it doesn't hurt, you'll be fine!"

IT CAINED! YOU LIARS!

:(

So, 25 random things about me.

1. I am not a "OHMYGAWD IT'S RAINING!" kind of person. I am a "HOLY CRAP IT'S RAINING, BELT IT OUT, DANCE ABOUT!" I literally do rain dances, no matter where I am. Rain is pretty rare is Australia.

2. Probably I should attempt to be more tolerant. It's hard but I'm getting there.

3. I am really easy to scare. I can know you're behind me and about to scare me and if you say "Boo!" I will jump. And scream.

4. I spend a lot of my classtime in maths writing people letters that I never give them. None of my friends are in my maths class.

5. I wonder about a lot of serious crap I don't think many other people do. Look at the "miracle" transplants in the world, of bionic arms and things. How long before these aren't miracles but curses?

6. I love a lot or not at all. I don't halfway like, halfway dislike someone. I do it right or not at all.

7. I would much rather eat a fresh peach than chocolate. Healthier for you anyway.

8. Sometimes I feel like I'm not sympathetic enough. I know it's not true, but I can't help but wonder whether it's a strength or a weakness.

9. Sometimes I need to escape from the nothing I have to escape from. I don't think I should ever feel like this when so many people go through so much else.

10. I try to live without regrets. So far, so good.

11. When bad things happen, I try to look on the bright side no matter what. Everything has a subliminal nature to it. I just try to learn from that.

12. Once you've hurt me, it's not easy to for me to let you back in. I'll accept apologies, but I'm not a naturally trusting person. Can't decide if it's good or bad.

13. I wonder how many memories are mine or imagined. Who really knows, after all?

14. I have a half brother I've only met a few dozen times and I'm closer to him than nearly all my friends.

15. I have a freakish obsession for jackets.

16. If I don't agree with someone, I don't tell them. I just say "maybe you're right" and let them continue on in their own happy little world. I know what I think and feel, and I don't feel the need to justify it to others on trivial matters.

17. I think the world is a beautiful disaster.

18. I don't tell people if I'm hurt. I never have. I never will.

19. Though I love people, I also love being alone.

20. Abortion and pro-life protesters both frustrate me. I believe that abortion is in every sense of the word murder, but there are some justifiable reasons. As for pro-life protesters - don't do it outside an abortion clinic. Everyone has a right to privacy. That's a person you're hurting, right there.

21. I try to watch things that will enlighten me, even if they're banned. Adults can't "protect" us forever, and is that what they're really doing, in the long run?

22. At the same time, I appreciate the lengths adults go to to keep us safe. Most of them, anyway.

23. I love life. I love being alive. Living for me is enough.

24. I want to help people. I want to be a clinical psychologist, help people get their loved ones and selves back.

25. By the time I finished this, I was out of things to say.