Friday, January 21, 2011

I'm Still Here


This will be one of those deep and meaningful posts.

So the other day, a friend who shall remain nameless was staying over at my house. We were just hanging, eating chocolate and watching movies (as you do at sleepovers) and she just suddenly stopped talking and stopped doing anything. I asked her what was wrong.

She told me, "I'm sick of being like this" and gestured to her whole body. She said, "I'm sick of not being what everybody wants. I'm sick of being me. I'm not thin enough, I'm not nice enough, I'm not pretty enough."

What sort of a world do we come from, that we beat ourselves up because we don't look like the toothpicks (commonly called 'models') magazines use to model their clothes? How is it that 2 percent of the world's population has an "acceptable" body to use as a model, and yet the majority of us, who don't starve ourselves (for the most part) strive to fit the minority of people?

When did ribs, hips and collar bones start becoming sexy? Since when has it been an achievement to not eat for however many days or cut however many calories from your diet and know it's stupid but feel proud of it?

There are so many fakes in the world, and so many losers. There are so many people who are selfish, and cruel, and incompetent, and live to make other people's lives hard. They're life's little hurdles, someone's sick idea of a joke when you're having a bad day. If you can't overcome some idiot who's stoned, drunk or otherwise ninety percent of the time, how are you supposed to make it in the world? They're tests. Of your kindness, patience, a test of the sturdiness of your faith. Among other things.

Everyone tries so hard to fit in, to conform to society's ideas of what is and isn't acceptable. What's wrong with stepping out of the circle, finding your voice, and being yourself? What's so wrong with wanting to live truthfully?

Everyone has a place in the world - all you have to do is look. Sometimes things don't turn out the way you think they will. Things get messed up, turned around, shoved into a blender and put on "fruit salad" and come out so messed up you don't think you'll ever sort it out again.

Here's some food for thought: even when you lie there at night and you shut your eyes and you wish you just wouldn't wake up, or that the kid teasing you would just die or get hit by a bus or whatever, or you're resenting someone or something and just want to give up... God keeps you breathing through the night. He could easily let you go without a fight, easily let your breath stop.

You might wish that you'd die. But you don't. You might wish you were thinner, but you aren't. You might wish you were nicer, but you aren't. You might wish that you're prettier, but you aren't. You might wish you're more talented, but you're not.

God loves you for who you are. Not who everyone else perceives you to be. Forget them.

You wish you'd die in your sleep. God could easily let you go.

But He doesn't. More than that, He WOULDN'T. God is strength when you have none. Just think that, for whatever reason... you're here.

[I am a question to the world
Not an answer to be heard
Not a moment to be held in your arms

And what do you think you'd even say
I won't listen anyway
You don't know me
And I'll never be what you want me to be

And how can the world want me to change
They're the ones that stay the same
They can't see me
But I'm still here
They can't break me
As long as I know who I am]

-a solitary blue

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Not a long post.

I did it! I finally managed to change my blog background and made my own header!


Now that I've agonised about it since nine PM... maybe I can finally go to bed. It's 11:43.


-a solitary blue.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Carpe Diem. (:


Translated into English...


When I was a kid I was so terrified of death and everything that came with it. Now I know, however, that it wasn't really death that scared me - I was scared that, in my short life, I wouldn't have enough time to get everything done that I wanted to do, see everything I wanted to see and be everything I wanted to be.

I was frightened because we all have expiration dates of a sort - or at least, our bodies do. Our minds go on. I was scared because there was no such thing as forever - but now, I've come to a very abrupt, sudden realization.

If everything was forever, it would becoming boring, and we would take it for granted. Would we truly appreciate the feel of the sun on our faces if we knew that it was never going to end? Wouldn't it just become another thing that we came to expect from life? Every morning, I wake up and I'm excited, so terribly excited at what I'm going to be doing that day - whether it be school, homework, seeing friends or shopping, or even going to work in this hot weather.

Carpe diem. Seize the day. Live in the moment.

"I went into the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck all the marrow out of life. To put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I had come to die, discover that I had not lived." - Neil, Dead Poets Society.

Seize the day. Be who you want to be, anything you want to be. Live life like the next sixty seconds will be your last. Love like you're never going to get hurt. Breathe every breath and savor the taste of life, because every time you open your mouth that's what you're breathing - you're breathing air that has seen the rise and fall of many a great man and woman, breathing air that's circulated the entire globe and united people all over the world.

Life isn't about staggering around blind to the world's beauties. It's about staggering around blinded BECAUSE you saw them, because you looked upon them and realised how lucky you were to be alive. Life is about taking every day as a precious gift. Life, as it is, isn't about mourning what you don't have.

It's about celebrating what you're given.

"Emmett... my sweet, dear Emmett... mourn the losses, because they're many. But celebrate the victories... because they're few." - Debbie Novotny.

Carpe diem. (:

-a solitary blue

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Lack of motivation...


Yes, I know I'm late... drastically late. Haha. I'm not even fashionably late. But the thing is... everyone is taking a blogger break. I mean EVERYONE I follow has taken a break from blogger! It makes me... so sad. So very sad. I MISS EVERYONE.

I also don't really have anything to post about. Nothing of substance, really. I do have a New Year's Resolution, actually I have a few... one is to blog more. Another is to do my homework... BEFORE the due date, not ON the due date, to the best of my ability. The other is to study for at least an hour each week night... I have five subjects. So one day for each subject maybe?

I have two movies that I've watched recently... and they've changed me. One is an Australian movie, adapted from the book, and the other was made in 1989. I know, I know... but I LOVE old movies. They seem to be more carefully constructed than new ones.

Tomorrow, When The War Began.

Oh my goodness. I saw this a while ago and didn't really think about it, but then I bought the DVD at a boxing day sale. It's set in Australia, like the books (you can download the books online). Seven kids go camping down in what they call Hell, a small valley nestled between two cliffs and a road called Taylor's stitch. While they're there, their town is invaded by foreign militants attempting to take over the country.

This movie is about so much more than defending your country. Ellie, the main character, essentially has to decide between killing the invading soldiers in a showdown involving a ride-on mower, or letting her friends die because she let her morals take over. She chooses her friends but can't forget that the soldiers she killed were barely older than she was.

Instead of a poster I decided to include the trailer :D the poster doesn't really say much about the movie itself. The movie is more about the people and less about the actual war. I had to study the book in year 9. Freaky stuff.

But it made me think - if soldiers invaded my town like they did Ellie's, what would I do? There's nowhere to hide and I would know, I've lived here my entire life. There's no way I would be able to survive.

Plus I never go camping. :P I suppose I'd crawl under my bed until it was all over.

And then I watched Dead Poets Society.

This movie made me cry. Almost every scene made me think about something more. Six students get a new English teacher, Mr. Keating (who reminds me a lot of my Literature teacher, Mr. Dunbar), who teaches them to embrace and enjoy poetry, and enforces on them the lifestyle carpe diem - translated into English, "Seize the day". The boys revive a society called the Dead Poets Society, dedicated to exploring language and "sucking the marrow from life."

Amazing movies :D

I couldn't find a trailer for Dead Poets Society, but the movie really made me think. (SPOILER ALERT) If Mr. Keating hadn't encouraged Neil, the main character, into acting, would he have realised what he was missing regardless and committed suicide, or would he have been content doing what his father wanted him to?

So many questions, so few answers.

By the way - CARPE DIEM is my new motto. :D

-a solitary blue.