Nothing Like Australia.

Did you guys know this is post 86?

So. I had a lot of stuff I wanted to say... but none of it came out right. It was all about my friend and how truly amazing he was. But somehow I feel like it's my job to hold his memories close, and not the blogging world's.

So here we have it.

Most Bloggers I've encountered come from America. And America is VERY different to Australia (one way to really insult an Australian is by calling them either British or American, because we're not either). I can't explain in words how incredibly proud it makes me to be part of this country, and here are some of the reasons.

1. Kangaroos.


Oh come on, you all saw that coming. Kangaroos. They aren't found ANYWHERE else in the world, not even in the zoo. These amazing creatures can jump over six feet and can hop at speeds of about seventy kilometers an hour. They can grow to be seven feet tall. There's the grey kangaroo (the kind that hops through my backyard) or the red kangaroo, that only lives out in the bush.

2. Our money.


We have animals and races on our coins, not the queen... not our prime minister (thank goodness, she's shocking), not famous philosophers. We lay our claim to fame on the Aboriginal man on the two dollar coin, the kangaroo on our one dollar coin, the platypus on our twenty cent coin, the Mallee fowl on the ten cent coin, and an echidna on our five cent coin. NO, AN ECHIDNA IS NOT THE SAME AS A PORCUPINE. Our fifty cent coin varies every year.

3. Our beautiful cities...


...That are so completely and clearly divided from the rest of the country. I mean, where I live, you have to drive at least four hours to get to anywhere worth going to.

4. Our diverse culture...


...Which has survived despite every early European attempt to wipe it out. When the British first came here, they attempted to "breed the black" out of the Aboriginal people by taking their children and forcing them to live with European families. It didn't work, needless to say, but the Aboriginals didn't get their apology until a few years ago. We don't walk out on our own people.

5. Our slang...


It's commonly known as "Strine" in the Northern Hemisphere. I mean seriously, people love us just because we're hicks. That's pretty cool. I found this picture pretty accurate, actually. I say "she'll be right" a lot, call every tourist "mate" and say "fair dinkum" a lot. Less common in the city, though. Mostly found in tiny hick outback towns where everyone knows everyone or at least knows OF everyone. By the way, a kangaroo loose in the top paddock? It's like saying something is missing up there. Haha.

6. The wildlife.


Which includes the Tasmanian Devil (mean little things), the kookaburra, the echidna, the platypus, the kangaroo, the dingo, wallabies, blue-tongued lizards and WOMBATS. Wombats are my ABSOLUTE FAVOURITES. I don't know if I'm the only one who thinks this... BUT THEY'RE SO INCREDIBLY CUTE AND ADORABLE. Until they dig up your sprinklers. That sucks.

7. Melbourne Cup Day.


A day off to watch horses race and place bets. I win almost every year :D Look at those beautiful animals.

But there are other things to be proud of too. We are a country risen from Britain's ashes. We are the descendants of the people they exiled. We built our own world on our own foundations with nothing except wood and mud. We fought for our land when the Japanese invaded our ports AND WE WON. We went to Gallipoli with the British and the people of New Zealand even though it wasn't our war and we fought as hard as we could until the last siren was called.

We are the people that took the Aboriginal people's land away from them - AND THEN GAVE IT BACK. We are the ones that built our cities with the prospect of freedom on the horizon. We are the ones that cultivated the land, worked in the mines and helped America in Afghanistan. We are the ones that lost hundreds in flash flooding in Queensland and still sent relief teams to Japan in their crisis.

We're the ones who live out on the farms and know how to ride a horse before we can walk. We can identify seven kinds of snakes and know how to treat poison. We'd rather walk than take a bus or car, and when the time comes, we can all work together. We have never had a civil war.

When we were settled as a penal colony in the 1800's, none of the British ever saw us becoming such a beautiful country. Now, this is our land, a beautiful country with snow-capped mountains, red-soiled plains and deserts, tropical rainforests, outback farms and huge, glittering cities filled with lights. We have the second longest life expectancy in the world, we have the best medical care system in the world, and our education system is to be reckoned with.

For all those reasons, I will ALWAYS live here. This country is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, and I have seen a lot of places. I've seen New Zealand, America, Rarotonga, parts of Greece. And I have never seen anywhere as beautiful as here. Compared to the rest of the countries in the world, we're very young. When the Americans and British were fighting for dominion of the USA, the Aboriginals were still writing prophecies and living at one with nature. And that's what makes it beautiful. Because we have so far yet to catch up. And I can't wait to see where it gets us.

[I came from the dream time, from the dust red soil plains,
I am the ancient heart - the keeper of the flame
I stood upon the rocky shore, I watched the tall ships come,
For forty thousand years I've been... the first Australian.

We are one, but we are many
And from all the lands on Earth we come,
We share a dream and sing with one voice
I am, you are, we are Australian.

I came upon the prison ship, bound down by iron chains
I cleared the land, endured the lash and waited for the rains.
I'm a settler, I'm a farmer's wife on a dry and barren run
A convict... then a free man, I became Australian.

I'm the daughter of a digger, who sought the mother lode
The girl became a woman, on the long and dusty road
I'm a child of the depression, I saw the good times come
I'm a bushy, I'm a battler, I am Australian.

We are one, but we are many
And from all the lands on Earth we come,
We share a dream, and sing with one voice
I am, you are, we are Australian.

I'm a teller of stories, I'm a singer of songs
I am Albert Namatjira, and I paint the ghostly gums
I am Clancy on his horse, I'm Ned Kelly on the run
I'm the one who waltzed Matilda, I am Australian.

I'm the hot winds from the desert, I'm the black soil of the plains
I'm the mountains and the valleys, I'm the drought and flooding rains
I am the rock, I am the sky, the rivers when they run
The spirit of this great land, I am Australian.

We are one, but we are many
And from all the lands on Earth we come,
We share a dream, and sing with one voice,
I am, you are, we are Australian.]

-A Solitary Blue.

Your Verse.

A lot of people wish they were perfect. They destroy themselves reaching for something they can never touch, like a distant memory of a deceased love one. They spend hours pouring their lives into their schoolwork or their job and, when most succeed, do they thank God?

No.

People wish they were perfect. Scientists are a few short years away from completing the Human Genome Project - the mapping of every gene in the human body.

"There is no gene for the human spirit." - Vincent Freeman, Gattaca

Their aim is to create the perfect human... to disregard what God has in mind for us and to create, from scratch, a human life. While curing cancer, AIDs, SIDS, and mental illnesses is a great idea... at what point to you draw the line?

Who decides whether your baby has blue eyes or brown eyes? In fact, who's to say, other than God, what colour eyes they should have?

Scientists say they're doing this to eradicate genetic diseases. But without God, some people would never have existed.

ABRAHAM LINCOLN suffered from Marfan Syndrome, a condition that affects the eyes, ears, nose, cardiovascular muscles and other parts of the human body, eating away at the tissue until there's nothing left. Lincoln became one of the most noted philosophers and presidents to have ever lived.

VINCENT VAN GOGH changed the way the world saw art and perceived it, even though he suffered from epilepsy his whole life.

ALBERT EINSTEIN changed the world literally overnight with his theories. He is the reason we have electricity and math theories today. He suffered from dyslexia.

JOHN F. KENNEDY suffered from Addison's disease, a condition that affects the adrenal gland and causes fever, fatigue, trouble standing, hazy vision, joint and muscle pain and changes in mood and personality. He stopped the Cuban missile crisis dead in its tracks. He's the reason the world isn't a toxic wasteland.

RAY CHARLES ROBINSON changed the way the world perceived music. He suffered from primary glaucoma, a disease that destroys the photoreceptors in a person's eyes, rendering them blind. Robinson continued to compose until five years before his death.

STEPHEN HAWKING is the father of all current knowledge about space, time or otherwise, certifiably the most brilliant person that has ever lived. Stephen Hawking suffers from Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis, a disease that, much like Motor Neuron Disease, destroys neurons in his body that allow him to move. Diagnosed when he was 22, he was given 3 years to live, at most. 45 years later, he's still putting out theories.

And let's not forget... had genetic engineering been at all possible when our parents were all thinking of conceiving, we might not exist. We could be entirely different people, not happy with ourselves or our lives.

God has a plan for everyone. Whether or not people can see it, it's true. Despite all our physical or mental ailments, He has our lives, our destinies, planned out for us. He loves us and takes care of us in our darkest times. He knows we'll contribute to the fate of the rest of the world.

"We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. Medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love...these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?" Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play GOES ON and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?" - John Keating, Dead Poets Society.

God's given you a chance. A chance to write your verse, carve your niche in the world, AS YOU ARE, without PERFECTION, without ACCEPTANCE, really. So what are you going to do? Lament that you're not perfect? Or live in the moment and make your verse as beautiful and as vivid as you possibly can?

Carpe diem.

-a solitary blue.

Seventeen Years

So I've been alive for 17 years now, and I think I spent at least 15 of those living in blissful ignorance of the world around me. It's only been recently that I've looked around and just had an "oh my... wow" reaction to things.

I've also learned a lot of things that I wish I hadn't, and most of them have been over the past year. I grew so much since February this year it seems insane that I could possibly handle it all, but I did. And I know I had help.

I learned that everything dies. Josh died and even though I knew it was coming, knew it was coming for months before it did, I spent a lot of time angry about it. He was only 18 when he died, only a year older than me, and he's spent so much time in hospital I wondered how he could possibly have learned all the things I had? I didn't see why he had to die. Now I know there is no reason.

Death is death. It doesn't discriminate. And I wish that I was that little girl who believed that the bad guys got what was coming to them and that the good guys got their happily-ever-after.

[Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now]

I learned that the one person who isn't supposed to hurt you probably will. I've learned it's often the person you least expect. I've learned that most people have two sides - who they are, and what you see. I've learned that the effort it takes into carefully cultivating these two faces is effort better spent doing something else.

So I've cut those people out of my life. I don't like fakes. And even more than that, I don't like people who seem like they're fake but they're not, they're just shallow, and those people make me depressed. I hang out with 12 different people and of those 12 I trust 3 - Enyar, Riz, and Jayne. The rest of them? I don't even know them. I've known Elenn since we were in diapers and I don't know who she is anymore.

[I saw a picture of you hanging in an empty hallway
I heard a voice that I knew but I couldn't turn away
It sent me back to the end of everything
I taste it all, I tasted all the tears again]

I've learned that sometimes honesty is not the best policy. Especially not for me. If half the people in my school asked me if I liked them (not that my opinion matters to anybody) I would honestly have to say no. And it's a total drag when people tell you they don't like you. Also, if your friend asks you if you think that boy's hot, how are you supposed to tell her you're taken and just keeping it quiet?

In 17 years I've also had the fortune to meet lots of decent people and learn a lot of things. I've learned that everyone has their demons and that everyone has the ability to beat their demons. My P.E teacher, Mr. Thomas, has worshipped God since he was 13 and suffered from depression for 10 years. I believe that he was saved by God.

That's another thing. I found God. It was a long time coming but I eventually realised that none of this could exist without His intervention. Scientists say humans are just complicated machines. I say to that - machines are all the same and work in the same way. Humans are all different and work in different ways. We can't be machines.

[Take a step before you leap
Into the colours that you seek
Give back what you get anyway
Go all the way back to yesterday]

I've learned that I'm better off alone. I'm not saying it for attention. I just am. Apart for a few special people, generally speaking, I don't like where the species is heading and I'd rather bail than go down with the ship. (Please don't misunderstand. I like people. But I don't like what they represent). I'm sick of seeing ridiculous news paper articles. I'm tired of seeing footballers paid their weight in hundred-dollar bills while kids in third-world countries are suffering.

And yet I love this planet. And I love with everything I have. I don't think I've ever felt before that maybe I'm making a difference. But to two or three people, I am, and I know I am, and it makes me feel like I have a place in this world, like I'm not just wandering around meaninglessly, waiting for destiny to trip me over.

[Before you break you have to shed your own mind
Tell a stranger that they're beautiful
So that all you feel is love]

Signing out. :)

-a solitary blue.

One two three four, to the five

Hello everyone :)

[I'm trusting you with loving me
Very very carefully]

I'm officially obsessed with Big Time Rush. Completely and totally in love with them. More so with James Maslow!!! He is the love. <3

Well, I'm in love with him on a superficial level. I never thought I might start to really like (love maybe) one of my closest friends. But I can't help it. He did my deb with me - which in Australian tradition is the night a girl transforms into a woman.

He was there with me. He discovered a part of me neither of us knew existed. I should probably put some deb photos up, come to think of it. I might do it tomorrow. The point is, I feel like he understands me. Like I don't have to be anybody except myself around him. Around him I'm allowed to love orange tictacs and talk about resident evil and go completely geek on him. I'm allowed to tell him how I feel.

[Now I'm about to give you my heart
So remember this one thing
I've never been in love before
So you gotta go easy on me]

He's given me the courage to stand up. To tell people what I really think. To tell Terri that she needs to get over herself and accept that things don't always go the way you plan, in fact they never do. To tell my friends that I'm not gonna stand by and watch Giulianna drown in her own low self-esteem and Terri's insults.

To think that it would ever come to this - that it would come to the point at which I don't care what Erin, Elenn, Kelsey, Emily, Grace, and countless others think of me - is astounding. I never thought I would get here.

The nice thing is that I know who I am, finally. I'm my father's daughter. He taught me respect, to help people in need of help whether it inconvieniences you or not, who taught me that without fear there is no such thing as courage.

[He gave me a road to chose
He gave me freedom
And I hope that someday
I will walk in his shoes]

So here I am. My name is Ayla Shannon Gray, and my life's ambition is to help people who need it. I like to sing and my motto in life is "when in doubt, dance it out". I'm in love with the guy who took me to the deb and gave me away to my father for the Pride of Evon. I like everyone else breathes slowly in the dark when the sun goes down, and like everyone else it saps my strength to face my demons.

So, whoever's reading - I'm tired of trying to be someone I'm not. I'm tired of being a simpering hair-twirling bimbo to match Erin's bitchiness. I'm tired of trying to be deep and meaningful around Kelsey. I'm tired of being spastic and insane and uncontrollable around Elenn. I'm tired of being shallow and insecure around Nathan.

I want to be the person I like - I want to be able to geek out all the time with Enyar over Stargate and the X-Files. I want to be able to laugh and smile and flick rubber bands at Riz. I want to laugh and do things I'm not supposed to at work with Niknak. And for him I want to be myself, this over-excitable seventeen-year-old who loves Fallout 3 and Resident Evil 4 to death and spends a lot of her time smiling.

[Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved]

I know I'm good. And I know that people who accept me are good. Erin's not going to like the change, she's not gonna like I can finally do my own thing. Kelsey probably won't like my new cross necklace. Elenn won't like the new me flat-out. Nathan won't like that I actually have a brain.

But Riz will like me. So will Enyar and Niknak. And I'm thinkin' Brendan's gonna like that now I'm a real person. A real girl with hopes and dreams. Not one who's annoying.

[You'll be the first to know
When I find what I'm lookin' for
I wanna love with the sun on my face
Ride a train to nowhere anyplace
Don't know where I'm going
Anywhere, I don't care]

That was tiring.

-a solitary blue.

Me :)

Ayla:

-Is not a girly girl. In fact I'm as far from a girly girl as anybody's going to get. I wear shorts with tights and t-shirts with ties. I listen to rap and heavy metal and screamo.

-Is happy most of the time. I don't have any reason not to be. A bad day for me is not being able to find anything to wear (despite me having like 3490579864986 clothes).

-Thinks a lot. A LOT. I don't think I've had silence in my own head since I was ten. And I like that :) If I'm thinking it means I have an opinion and without an opinion human beings are just robots following the latest socially-acceptable bandwagon.

-Doesn't know what to believe in. Can't I believe that there was evolution to a certain point and then someone interfered, or that someone created us and then we evolved from there? Why does it have to be one or the other?

-Loves loves loves her hair :D it's my best feature lol.

-Plans on being a psychologist, a journalist or an anthropologist (if I were a journalist I'd probably get in trouble all the time for actually publishing the truth and heaven forbid anybody do that anymore).

-Writes a lot. There's 700 plus word documents on this computer. :D

-Is a lover, not a hater. Except I DO hate things like war, cancer or poverty. Yeah, I think everyone does, and if you don't hate death and destruction there's probably something incredibly wrong with you.

-Would rather die than kill another person.

-Doesn't kill. Anything. Not flies, not spiders, not mozzies (even though I'm terrified of spiders). April this year my friends deliberately caught grasshoppers and toasted them in a fire. I left the party because I was so disgusted with them.

-Stands up for what she believes in. Even though I'm not sure what that is yet.

-Is a dancer.

-Loves going to the doctor's. And strongly dislikes the dentist's (because you go there and you know when they're picking/drilling/filling your teeth that it should hurt and doesn't and will later D:)

-Ayla loves ducks. And chickens. They're such goofy birds :D

-Ayla doesn't act her age. Ayla acts her shoe size (7).

-Loves children. All kinds of children. But I would NEVER have any of my own! Not yet anyway.

-WILL NOT LISTEN TO JUSTIN BIEBER.

-Won't watch/read/talk about/listen about Twilight. I liked it until it became cookie-cutter popstar magazine fodder. I hate how everyone's just jumped on the bandwagon (which is doomed to crash and burn sometime in the near future) and I hate how the people who star as Bella and Edward are awful role models (yes, yes, some would argue that smoking pot on a balcony or threatening to kill yourself on live TV is a good thing).

-LOVES LOVES LOVES candles.

-Is almost pathologically obsessed with Zatch Bell. It is. THE BEST. I don't mind Loveless or DN Angel either :) I keep up with Naruto just because I reeeeeaaaalllly wanna see Naruto kick Pein's ass.

-Addicted to facebook. Like the rest of the world.

-Actually likes going to school. I get to see all my friends :D

-Is hells curious about many a thing in life (how on earth did Julia Gillard become Australia's prime minister?! One step forward for womankind, a hundred steps back for Australia's economy!).

-Has these hells awesome friends who she couldn't live without. Sometimes, though, when Karisma spikes my drink with fruit tingles and potato chips, or a certain Jamie is calling me at TWELVE OH ONE in the morning saying "GUESS WHAT IT'S TOMORROW! :D"I do my very best to kill them >.<

-Wants to help people

-Actually tries to update her blog!

-Writes down anything she's thinking of so she can post it (and doesn't have blogger's block for months at a time).

-Is about to finish this off because she has something serious she wants to say.