I think the problem is that I've stopped living in a world where I believed everything would turn out okay. I've realised that there are always cracks beneath the surface. Especially when it comes to yourself. You think you're fine, and then the tiniest thing throws you off balance, and bam. You're stuck and alone and people only pretend to care.
Childhood is a placebo; you believe everything will be okay, so when the kid next door gets smashed by a car and dies or your friend dies from cancer (seventeen jesus christ) you block it out, you pretend it's all fine, and it's not. When you have a headache the doc gives you a sugar pill only you don't know it's a sugar pill and so it goes away because you were only imagining the headache, a psychosomatic illness.
Trouble is, with life, the pain really IS there. And it's unavoidable. You might escape for a while, but not forever.
God, I miss Josh. I could say life's not fair but where's the point, seeing as we all know it and those who don't are in for a rude wake-up call? All I can say is that nobody deserves cancer, nobody deserves to waste into nothing and drag their families with them, but there are people who are flirting with it every time they stick a smoke in their mouth.
Do they think it's cool? Smoking isn't cool. It's not just poisoning yourself either. It's poisoning everyone around you.
the sensational crusader (:
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