Thursday, July 29, 2010

Literature

OK, so this is the poem that whooped my ass last night. It's 1,210 words and 140 lines of pure frustration. Feel free to plagarise. I don't want it.

My friend, why do you look up to hope? (10)

The stars do not care to solve your problems! (10)

Pure beauty will smooth that frowning mope (10)

Existing is meant for the overly solemn (11)

Sit back, dear friend, do not blindly grope (10)

Do not shy from the beauty; you are welcome (11)

The point of life is not to lie down, look up and hope (13)

Birds like a charm through winter’s cold embrace (10)

Pray that they keep Lucifer’s darkness away (11)

Trees barren like a child taken from their race (11)

Don’t fear, my friend, all hope isn’t lost today (11)

Your travelling feet have yet to feel the stones (10)

Friend, there is nothing here persuading you to stay (12)

Rejoice in the way the wood creaks and moans (10)

Beautiful haze, lost in a foggy self-induced haze (13)

Oh dear friend, nobody has realised yet (10)

Your poor soul, a bird’s nest, caught in a maze (10)

Faith is belief unseen, one you haven’t met (10)

Faith is the bird with the broken wing, falling (10)

Its descent is entirely inevitable (11)

Mother Nature’s being cannot ignore its calling (13)

Sparrow chirps his song to the evergreen (10)

Evergreen sings back in dewy excellence (11)

I don’t wish to discover the purpose behind the scene (13)

Everything a foggy hue of silver in the silence (11)

Magic in the tiny feathers that let the bird become (13)

Wings can help lift it over a sprawling fence (10)

Life as it is, not a thing of miracles to some (13)

Bluebird a myriad of astounding colours (11)

Brings out the beauty of lakes surrounded by hundreds (13)

Dear friend, take the time, stop, appreciate (10)

Feel those rolling hills; a traveler on his way home (13)

Be careful, friend; beauty can devastate (10)

Sun and moon assure us we are not alone (11)

This is when you realise, dear friend, what it is you hate (13)

Anger howling against shattered windows (10)

This brings profound silence to the walls inside (10)

Everything fractured, a hundred thousand shingles ago (13)

Stop, my friend, do not weep; all left to do is to bide (13)

Do not count the time that is left remaining (11)

Life creates catastrophic problems for those who hide (13)

Face them head on, tree in a storm, keep yourself sane (12)

There are twenty more steps to the churchyard gates (11)

A well-worn pathway for your well-worn feet (10)

Beyond the gates, children; blurred edges laugh with mouths agape (13)

Gravestones a symphony of an unending present (13)

Bluebird chirps its enchanting song; life gains shape (11)

Speak of true happiness; this is what we meant (11)

Those who travel would tell you there is no escape (12)

Your mouth is a gate to inner insanity (10)

People say; cultivate anger before idealizing (14)

Mother told you stories of times lost to humanity (13)

Looked just like a little child, lost in fantasizing (13)

Beauty so great; excused your father’s profanity (13)

The cottage was a small place, but cozy (10)

I still miss those times of innocence (9)

The hounds bark as children play in the street (10)

Emotions are wistful like sunflowers in winter (13)

Their chins are stained with the apples they eat (10)

Their childhood innocence is as sharp as a splinter (13)

They forget the time, their mothers left to greet (12)

To stop their playing would be flawed, a treason (11)

Oh, let these little children stay the flowers they are (13)

Amongst the many originals, I spy Icarus (14)

Stretching for what is unattainable (10)

Childhood innocence has wiped his sins clean (10)

To tell this child the truth would be shameful (10)

Steal a part of his youth he has not yet seen (12)

Although it’s an innocence sinners find painful

Most of us wish to preserve what cannot be regained (13)

Winter is a dormant, death-filled disaster (11)

Trees that lose their leaves and shiver in the wind (11)

The snow white ice-queen fountain is its master (11)

Grass is blanketed by leaves that grow thick as it grows thin (14)

Time slows to a trickle, and nothing goes faster (12)

However, the sleet washes white my sins (10)

And then, winter will recede into spring. (10)

Spring reminds you of a wild-haired, graceless child (11)

Beautiful, untamed, sprawling across the countryside (13)

Flowers pop up like the spring in her step, easily riled (13)

Spring is a breath of fresh air to those have died (12)

Cold and buried, they now feel the earth’s warm embrace (12)

No longer worrying about those who have lied (12)

They allow the warm earth to rest their fears (10)

Spring becomes hotter, ensnares living beings in heat (13)

The chilled water of the lakes in the park becomes a relief (14)

For the children, too tired to play in the street (11)

Night steals the lazy, sun-filled days like a welcome thief (13)

Come time for errands, mothers drag themselves to the stalls (13)

Children tail along and watch the hazy scene, muted by leaves (14)

Summer protects life with its sweet, warm cadence (11)

After summer, autumn brings its gentle breeze to the town (14)

Allows laundry to dry and the trees to blaze with life (13)

The leaves and grass are every shade of gold, scarlet, brown (13)

The colours are in sharp contrast with winter’s ice (12)

Birds woke from their lazy slumbers to sing their song (13)

The air still holds chill in the morn, but the sun dispels it (14)

Children throw the leaves their mothers have just swept (11)

The birds continue to sing throughout the seasons (12)

Rabbits build their homes in holes too small for foxes (12)

The world keeps turning, scientists looking for a reason (13)

As the world turns, people pack their lives into boxes (13)

The rabbits and the birds remain throughout the seasons (14)

The children will grow up, lose their innocence, and move on (14)

But the beauty of Nature’s seed will still remain (12)

Reminiscent are the way the reeds bend to the wind (13)

The ripples across one of the larger lakes, filled with fish (14)

The stone walls bathed in a calm, serene twilight (11)

The sun filtering through dawn’s sleepy mist (10)

The sun sinking into the trees, becoming night (12)

Moon and sun meet on the horizon in a secret tryst (14)

Very few of us have the sense to revel at the sight (14)

When the night comes, all falls into shadows (10)

These are the corners of the world light cannot reach (12)

Anything breathing retreats from their sunny meadows (12)

Ignorant of what the society we live in preaches (13)

The darkness sweeps across the land, silencing the lakes (13)

It brings peace for the children, laying their heads down (12)

The moon guards all that the sun has worked for (10)

And after twelve hours, dawn will surface (10)

Every colour of pink, orange, scarlet and gold (11)

The clouds from night have cleared, a new day is ahead (13)

It is a brand new day over the town to behold. (13)


Like I said, 1,210 words, 140 lines, and 20 stanzas later, I'm ready to drop my favourite subject. Bonus? NO MORE POETRY THIS YEAR :D

the milk bottle.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I'm not fooled!

I know someone is viewing this blog! Haha :)

So I have a bit of a problem. I thought one of my new friends Terri was pretty cool - she's not one of the in crowd and she's not up herself and she's really smart and nice. The other day, I had a free period and was sitting outside drawing a bird.

Riz was sitting on my other side and we said something, and then Terri smiles and says "Yeah, small birds are fun to shoot with slug guns."

What?

So, I would like to point out that when it comes to life, I'm pro. I'm pro life. In ANY case, and that includes animals. The only time I would EVER kill something was if it was suffering and there was no chance of saving it. So this chick who I happen to think is pretty cool and decent has just thrown me one of life's biggest curveballs: thinking you know someone when you really don't.

I just looked at her with this expression of disgust and said "Anybody who kills for fun clearly has a screw loose somewhere." And yes, I do believe that. I would rather not know if someone was raised with a gun in their hands. Killing goes against everything God or Mother Nature or whoever intended.

If someone was hunting humans, would it be funny? No. And humans are dangerous so if we were hunted it was probably our fault in the first place. What the friggin' hell have birds or deer or bunnies ever done to us? More specifically, Terri? Terri was smiling when she said that. Do you know how creepy it is to watch someone talk about killing things with this massive grin on their face? It's frightening!

[I can shine even in the darkness
But I crave the light that he brings
Revel in the songs that he sings
My angel Gabriel]

So I don't know. If being friends with Terri means I have to pretty much back down and not stand up for what I believe in, then I'm not sure I can do it. I know that people have different opinions all the time. But there's nothing more I feel more strongly.

[I am strong even on my own
But from him I never want to part
Oh, my angel Gabriel]

the milk bottle. (:

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Deb photos soon :)

Before anything - the deb was fantastic. I felt so incredibly fantastic the entire night, like it was all about me. And you know what? It was. It was about us, the twelve of us. I did my deb when I was sixteen and 327 days, 38 days from my seventeenth birthday. :)

And now I present you a quiz I stole off Bleah Briann :) she didn't tag me but I thought I'd post anyway.

When was the last time you saw someone attractive?
Today at centro. He was 18 and he was eating a Twix (man after my own heart).

Where's your phone right now?
Somewhere in the immediate vicinity. Note the SOMEWHERE.

Do you have any plans for the weekend?
It's Sunday night. No plans. Sad face.

Has someone ever made you a promise and broke it?
Of course. The same person every time.

Last movie/DVD watched?
Ice Age 2

Does anything hurt on your body?
Cheeks. I've been smiling a lot. :)

How are you?
Fan freaking tastic. No, I'm being serious. I'm on top of the world.

Are you excited for next year?
Yep. Last year of high school. First year of reality, as it is.

Is your room clean?
Yep ^^ Virgo blogging here.

How many pillows do you sleep with?
I have one on my bed but I mostly stuff my doona under my head.

What are you doing?
Listening to Adam Lambert. If he weren't gay he'd be my husband.

I bet you miss somebody right now?
Yes. :)

What are you planning on doing after this?
Reading Before I Die again, and then sleepybyes :)

Have you ever read an entire book in one day?
All the time.

Who did you push last?
Riz. She tried to steal my fries.

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
Oh, definitely Riz or Libby.

Do you own any band t-shirts?
Evanescence, Skillet, 3 Doors Down and Nickelback.

What does your hair look like right now?
Long and straight.

Has anyone ever told you that you were their best friend?
Yep, only an hour ago :P

Did you get hurt today?
Noooo lol

When was the last time you felt upset?
When Erin had a go at Kelsey an hour before the deb presentation. Some friend. She said doing it was superficial and a waste of time. Boy did we show her.

What are you looking forward to?
Chicken's coming this weekend!

Do you currently want something?
Another day off.

What was the last thing you had to drink?
Melted ice cream.

Who was the last person you said "i love you" to?
My dog lol :)

Where are you?
In my bedroom on my comfy desk chair.

Do you like to walk in the rain?
It doesn't rain here. Hahaha.

Do you like looking up at the stars?
I love the stars. I love how high up they are.

Do you think you are a nice person?
I try my hardest :)

Do you like swimming?
"Swimming" being getting in a pool and floating around in a donut, or "swimming" being putting physical effort into strokes? The former. Never the latter.

Have you ever swam in the ocean?
Omg I love the ocean.

Do you go to school?
Is Ian Somerholder the hottest thing alive? (He's a vampire. And when I say vampire, I mean he sucks people's blood and kills people. Oh and FYI, he doesn't sparkle. -.-)

Do you want to go to college?
If by college you mean university, then yes, because my school is already called a college.

What do you want to be?
A clinical psychologist :)

Do you want kids?
Uh... not at the moment, no lol.

Do you like going to the beach?
Always and forever.

Who is the last person you went to the mall with?
Mummy :D Got boots!

Have you ever had any x-rays?'
Yep. When I was ten.

Who do you hate right now?
Apple Software Update. Oh, and the Nunchuk for the Wii.

Who is the last person you yelled at?
Jokingly, or seriously? Jokingly was Riz today, and seriously was on the melbourne camp.

Who was the last to cook you food?
Mummy. :D

Are you in a complicated relationship?
Aren't most relationships complicated? (Yes, I am avoiding the question)

What did you do 2 nights ago?
The deb. Oh my God, don't get me started on the deb, I'll never stop.

Who was the last person you were on the phone with?
Jamie. :)

Does a hug make you feel better?
Alwayys!!!

How long ago did you hug someone?
Today. Jamie was at work and he was sick, and I hugged him and now I think I'm coming down with something.

Anything good happening tomorrow?
It's Monday tomorrow.

Have you kissed more than ten people this year?
Oh hells no.

Do you have unlimited texting?
Yeah lol.

Will you keep your last name when you get married?
No. I want a new last name.

You have to get a piercing, what do you get?
Both sides of my lower lip.

Have you ever felt like someone of the opposite sex truly cared about you?
I know he has. Jamie, and that other someone. Chuu <3

Who was the last friend you got into a big argument with?
Erin. For having a go at Kelsey. (Erin's really not in my good books atm)

Your phone is ringing. It's the person you fell hardest for, what do you say?
"Oh, PS I love you." Jkes. "Have a nice day!"

Will you be in a relationship in the next couple months?
I'd like to think so :)

Did you have any unread text messages when you woke up today?
I had thirty two. It's not normally that many. It was all about the deb XD

Do you want to see somebody right now?
Yes. :)

Do you think two people can last forever?
My parents did it, so why not?

When was the last time you had a late night phone call?
Tonight actually. Jamie's on the phone lol.

If you could move somewhere else, would you?
Yeah, I'd move to Adelaide. That's where I'm going to Uni anyway.

Would you be able to date someone who doesn't make you laugh?
I won't know until I try, will I?

Has anyone ever sang to you?
Jokingly lol

When was the last time you bit someone?
Grade six :)

Do you think you can love someone without trusting them?
Yes. I love my aunties and grandparents but I don't trust them.

Is there someone who you can spend every minute with and be happy?
I think so. :)

Last person to make you smile?
Jamie, just then haha

Have you ever wasted too much time on a certain boy?
He wasted too much time on me too. It was an even trade :)

How was last night?
Fantastic!

If you're being extremely quiet, what does it mean?
That I'm watching everything. It's not unusual for me to be quiet though.

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Not really :)

Do you have trust issues?
Ohhh yeaah.

Was this a good weekend?
It was a fantastic weekend.

Were you happy when you woke up today?
I was tired. Riz slept over last night lol.

the milk bottle.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Pix later.

The whole city was illuminated and every pinprick of beautiful orange light represented a hundred different people. The hustle and bustle, the parks, the beautiful archaic old buildings. I loved it, loved every bit of it. The city makes me feel so free, like I can fly, like I can do anything I want to. It makes me feel like there's some hope after all.

The year has come full circle. I'm glad it has. I guess everybody's lives are made up of circles that all cross and change over and overlap and are made of the same line like a figure eight and some aren't even fully formed because some things don't have an answer.

I have a few circles that are more prominent than others; the circle that took away my hope and then gave it back, the circle that claimed the life of someone close to me and then made me realise he's not gone until we forget, the circle that made me realise who I am doesn't matter as much as why I am and how I got there.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love to love. I live to love. I like to look up at the stars and believe that every piece of sky is a different soul watching over us. I like to believe that maybe the clouds are there for a reason, to make us miss the heat we normally complain about. I wonder and I'd like to believe that if rain is sent deliberately it's not to make us cold and shiver, it's to make us realise that warmth comes from more than just electricity and that it's possible to huddle up like a group of penguins and laugh and have blue tongues and conserve warmth that way.

I'm really glad I'm alive, most of the time. And I'm glad that this is who I am. I'm glad that I see things that sometimes others don't. I'm glad I see what goes on below. I'm glad I stop to take a picture.

[I wanna love with the sun on my face
Ride a train to nowhere anyplace]

I'm glad that life only ever seems to be taking off now that I know who I am. I love that people see me, and sometimes when they do they seem astounded by what they find. I'm glad he saw that before I did even.

I might elaborate on him later. :)

[I've got a hunger
Twisting my stomach into knots
My tongue is tied off
If you've got an impulse let it out]

I don't believe in being straight, bi, or gay. I believe in love. Simple as that. Gender doesn't matter to me. I know it does to some people. I'd like to think that if we're all God's children that he intended that we be this way. But I never read a proper bible. Just the children's version.

They say that you don't have memories of being a baby because when you're a baby you don't have the knowledge or words to put to memories and emotions. Maybe so. Maybe babies don't have time to remember because they're too busy having fun learning.

These words write themselves. Life is good right now. So good I haven't been blogging. Sometimes I worry about what's gonna come in the future, but right here, right now, seems like a good place to start easing the worries about it. Right now, I don't have to worry.

Right now it seems like maybe I need to sit back and relax and take it easy. There's so much time to figure out what I'll do with the rest of my life. There's so much time to laugh.

I don't want to live with regrets.

So I've started a physical journal. It's not about me. It's about everything. It's called life as it is. It's important to remember. Without the past we can't improve the future. And improving the future is something that needs to happen.

Riz always said she was afraid of remembering.

I'm afraid I'll forget.

the milk bottle. (:

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Hey there life, didn't see you behind all that school!

HOMEWORK



FREAKING



HOMEWORK



FREAKING EVERYWHERE!!



PSYCHOLOGY! LITERATURE! MATHS! HD! ENGLISH, FREAKING 3 ESSAYS FOR ENGLISH AND THEY WON'T EVEN CORRECT THE GODDAMN PIECES OF SHIT!

OK. So here's what happened.

I get homework. Reaction:

Then it goes something like this:. This is the "oh my god, I'm going to die, I'm going to try and climb this mountain of homework and I AM GOING TO DIE." This is the "what the heck did I do to the man upstairs?" reaction. This is the "Omg. Fml." reaction. This is the "NO, WAIT, LIFE, COME BACK!" reaction.

...And then like this:Is there any need to explain this? This is seriously what I look like when I'm angry. I grind and gnash my teeth and could very almost froth at the mouth (if I was given any more I'm sure I would probably keel over and DIE from choking on my own froth.)

...And then I solve the problem:

HELLS YEAH.

...This is the point at which I realise:

I CAN'T BLOW UP MY HOMEWORK! I HAVE A FRICKIN' GRADE POINT AVERAGE AND A UNI TO GET INTO AND LIFE TO LIVE IF MY BRAIN CELLS DON'T COMMIT BEFORE I REACH TWELFTH GRADE!

At which point:

Rigamortis sets in. Everything grows cold. The world is an icy pit of nothingness and not even Zatch Bell can pull me out of my stupor. English had fried me, psychology had battered me, Maths has whipped me, HD has baked me, literature has SLAUGHTERED anything that may have been use to me later in life. Aka, my brain. (Let's not go here with the jokes kk? T.T)

Thus, readers, I leave you with these:


glitter-graphics.com

~*~



~*~

(My ultimate reaction to the tonnes of English homework)


glitter-graphics.com

the milk bottle. (:

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Deb dress :)

Hello my pretties :)

Today, some pictures and then a quiz! (Courtesy of Courtney. I like paper cranes too :P)

So I know I've been talking about my deb a lot. Finally I have something to show for it! I went and got it hemmed today and got the classic facebook photos to show for it!

1) Just a sample picture


2) Bodice


This is the body of the dress and the left side, where the beading starts. It's not a very good photo but the angle was really awkward lol.

3) Flower


You can see the detail much better now XD I love this dress. It was 670 dollars Australian (I don't know how much that is American).

Because I'm lazy I'm going to do the quiz later.

the milk bottle. (:

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Not again.

"There wasn't a day went by over the past four years that Merbein's Page McCarthy-Beard wasn't in pain because of the cancer that was slowly taking over her body.

The lively, friendly and lovely teen was in and out of hospitals, underwent hundreds of tests in Mildura, Adelaide and Melbourne, including chemotherapy, lost her beautiful long hair, and then a leg.

But there wasn't a day go by that this bubbly girl didn't have a smile on her face, or a thank you to family, friends and hospital staff for all the help she was getting. She was a fighter, determined to fulfill her dream of one day becoming a journalist.

Sadly, just a few months after her 18th birthday, Paige this week lost the fight. She passed away at the Mary Potter hospice in Adelaide at 10pm Tuesday, with family members who had shared the highs and lows of her young life by her side."

-Mildura Weekly 2/7/10, Alan Erskine

I can only really say one thing - not again. Merbein is a half-hour drive from where I live. First was Josh (who the community has mostly seemed to have forgotten about, or maybe it's just too painful), suffering from aggressive, malignant osteosarcoma of his thigh bone, and next is poor Paige, who suffered from an extremely aggressive nerve-ending cancer.

[Take a breath
I pull myself together
Just another step
Until I reach the door]

I don't understand at all. Why is it the kids? Isn't it hard enough that our uncles and aunts and grandparents and parents suffer from this (and we partially expect it because cancer is associated with the elderly), but then they rob us of our friends and siblings too? Who's they? Angels? Demons? Our own malignant cancer cells?

I want to believe. But I can't understand what a child has done that's so wrong it's punishable by death in anybody's eyes. I want to know who's responsible and at the same time I know it's nobody. Nobody can be blamed for her death. You can't blame the doctors, they did their best. You can't blame her body, it malfunctioned. You can't blame her parents, they sacrificed it all for her treatment. You can't blame the community, they rallied around her like a force field.

[And you'll never know the way
It tears me up inside to see you
Sometimes I wish I could save you
And there's so many things I want you to know]

God, if you're there, please tell them we miss them.

the milk bottle. (:

Me :)

Ayla:

-Is not a girly girl. In fact I'm as far from a girly girl as anybody's going to get. I wear shorts with tights and t-shirts with ties. I listen to rap and heavy metal and screamo.

-Is happy most of the time. I don't have any reason not to be. A bad day for me is not being able to find anything to wear (despite me having like 3490579864986 clothes).

-Thinks a lot. A LOT. I don't think I've had silence in my own head since I was ten. And I like that :) If I'm thinking it means I have an opinion and without an opinion human beings are just robots following the latest socially-acceptable bandwagon.

-Doesn't know what to believe in. Can't I believe that there was evolution to a certain point and then someone interfered, or that someone created us and then we evolved from there? Why does it have to be one or the other?

-Loves loves loves her hair :D it's my best feature lol.

-Plans on being a psychologist, a journalist or an anthropologist (if I were a journalist I'd probably get in trouble all the time for actually publishing the truth and heaven forbid anybody do that anymore).

-Writes a lot. There's 700 plus word documents on this computer. :D

-Is a lover, not a hater. Except I DO hate things like war, cancer or poverty. Yeah, I think everyone does, and if you don't hate death and destruction there's probably something incredibly wrong with you.

-Would rather die than kill another person.

-Doesn't kill. Anything. Not flies, not spiders, not mozzies (even though I'm terrified of spiders). April this year my friends deliberately caught grasshoppers and toasted them in a fire. I left the party because I was so disgusted with them.

-Stands up for what she believes in. Even though I'm not sure what that is yet.

-Is a dancer.

-Loves going to the doctor's. And strongly dislikes the dentist's (because you go there and you know when they're picking/drilling/filling your teeth that it should hurt and doesn't and will later D:)

-Ayla loves ducks. And chickens. They're such goofy birds :D

-Ayla doesn't act her age. Ayla acts her shoe size (7).

-Loves children. All kinds of children. But I would NEVER have any of my own! Not yet anyway.

-WILL NOT LISTEN TO JUSTIN BIEBER.

-Won't watch/read/talk about/listen about Twilight. I liked it until it became cookie-cutter popstar magazine fodder. I hate how everyone's just jumped on the bandwagon (which is doomed to crash and burn sometime in the near future) and I hate how the people who star as Bella and Edward are awful role models (yes, yes, some would argue that smoking pot on a balcony or threatening to kill yourself on live TV is a good thing).

-LOVES LOVES LOVES candles.

-Is almost pathologically obsessed with Zatch Bell. It is. THE BEST. I don't mind Loveless or DN Angel either :) I keep up with Naruto just because I reeeeeaaaalllly wanna see Naruto kick Pein's ass.

-Addicted to facebook. Like the rest of the world.

-Actually likes going to school. I get to see all my friends :D

-Is hells curious about many a thing in life (how on earth did Julia Gillard become Australia's prime minister?! One step forward for womankind, a hundred steps back for Australia's economy!).

-Has these hells awesome friends who she couldn't live without. Sometimes, though, when Karisma spikes my drink with fruit tingles and potato chips, or a certain Jamie is calling me at TWELVE OH ONE in the morning saying "GUESS WHAT IT'S TOMORROW! :D"I do my very best to kill them >.<

-Wants to help people

-Actually tries to update her blog!

-Writes down anything she's thinking of so she can post it (and doesn't have blogger's block for months at a time).

-Is about to finish this off because she has something serious she wants to say.